grace abounds

               

Listening to:For Joy by ETWC

Verse Love: He must increase, but I must decrease. //John 3:30//

Loving palm trees lately.

             It’s two in the morning. And I’m drinking the most fantastic cup of coffee. EVER. Why am I drinking this cup of coffee at two in the morning? HAVE YOU BEEN LISTENING TO ANYTHING I’VE SAID?! Ok, sorry. I’m hyper. But seriously, it’s fannnntastic. Even though this new trend my body is going through…the whole sleeping for two hours and drinking four cups of coffee trend…is probably my least favorite. Since I haven’t had a full night’s sleep since idontknowwhen, I figure I might as well use these hours to be productive.

                

            And by, “be productive,” I clearly mean painting my nails and singing along REALLY loud to Enter the Worship Cirlce. Because how can you help but paint your nails when your nail polish is mint (mint is the equivalent of sunshine) and ETWC is cranking out lyrics like such:

Those who put their hope in You will never be turned away // Those who place their trust in You will never be put to shame // I am waiting here for You // To hear You speak my name

I want to start over now // Hear me God, I’m calling out for mercy // Your sweet forgetfulness // O, Mercy pull a blanket over me again // Mercy, You cover all of my sin // I don’t ever want to break Your heart again

Surely those who wait on You will never be ashamed // All those who call on You will know the faithfulness of Your Name

Who am I that you would know my name // Know my deepest parts // And love me just the same // Who am I that you would sing a song about me

WORD.

About a month ago, I declared to people far and near that this summer has been my favorite. I am excluding the past three weeks from that declaration. Because it is my declaration, and I can do with it whatever I please. So. There. It’s been a humdinger {My Papa would be SO proud of me for using that word by the way} of a month.

When you’re faced with college issues, impossible situations, finding out that sickness is stealing away a loved one, sleepless nights, long days, seeing people that you love in pain, confusion, the need for patience, being reminded of how very hurt the world is, endless a-sexual to-do lists that multiply like rabbits,  and just plain exhaustion it’s hard to press on. And that’s when I’ve found that Praise God, grace abounds:

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. // 2 Corinthians 2:9 //

Not gonna lie. I’ve kind of wanted to eat 2 Corinthians lately. It’s just so good. God will provide all I need. And according to my pastor for the last several weeks, “all means all,” It doesn’t mean that these problems are going to disappear…I still have to endure another college advisor tomorrow. I still have to deal with the realization that my loved one won’t be here much longer. People I love are still hurting and I can’t stop it, I probably won’t sleep but a mere two hours tonight. This week will most likely be just as long as the last one. My sister will undoubtedly catch a glimpse of my to-do list and ask me again why the heck, “eat,” is written down. But these things – they don’t compare to the joy of having a God that’s always close by. In the midst of all these things, He’s fueling my heart with joyicantexplain.

I’ve decided to start a “grace is,” theme in my journal. So every time God gifts me with another grace (they’re always so darn creative) I shall write it down. So I can look back and remember. Because I never want to forget His hands.

Over the past three weeks, grace is:

                

Good coffee

                

Pink conditioner. Seriously guys, I don’t think there is anything more exciting than pink conditioner? Actually, I’m pretty sure mint conditioner would reign supreme. I’m having obsession issues. Big time.

               

Roaming your house in a towel robe trying to accomplish millions of things and catching a glimpse of yourself; your wild hair, your crazed haven’t-slept-in-days eyes, your smeared mascara and  busting out laughing because all you can do is say, “And THAT eees a crazy lady!” in your best Nacho Libre accent.

                

Friends who have no idea that you’re overcome with feelings of inadequacy, who speak sweet, sweet truth into your life that emboldens you while playing with your ponytail and patting your shoulder.

Telling your clinical director that you considered going to missionary school and he leans forward all sincere-like and says, “Oh! So you wanted to be a nun?”

Hearing your friend’s son proclaim that he is, “Dr. Octavius!!!” first thing in the morning.

Being allowed the privilege of showing God’s love to someone who needs it.

Seriously. The list goes on. But alas! It is now three in the morning. Good. Grief.

Truth be told, I’m merely procrastinating creating a financial plan for the fall when school starts. So. What. I never, never, ever claimed to be perfect. And I hate finances. But I loooove Jesus. :) And that’s what matters right?

It doesn’t matter that I am not at my ideal weight. Or that I still cry when I have to get shots. Neither does the fact that I have to learn and re-learn and re-learn the same lessons over and again. Come to think of it, my fears don’t either. Nor, my hate for everything responsible. And finances. Praise God, grace covers it all.

Let’s get real, though.{I say this as though ^all that wasn’t crazy real?}  I’m thinking it’s time to buy some fancy waterproof mascara. That, or cease wearing it altogether. Because life…life is a real tear-jerker. And if it’s not one thing, it will be another. But you know, I’ve decided I really wouldn’t take a life of ease over having to depend heavily on the presence of God to keep me sane. His nearness is just too incredible. Incredible, and sweet.

Holy Nutella! It’s late and I had planned on getting out of bed at eight to clean. Wish me luck! ;) 

"May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you." //2 Corinthians (!!!) 13:14//

             ~Kimberly 

hands

Listening to: Tip of My Tongue by The Civil Wars
Verse addiction: When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong because the LORD is the One Who holds his hand. ~Psalm 37:24

Oh, just watching the sunset in Dripping Springs over the Pedernales Falls. :D


He's always been close // Always steadied my feet on the sand // Before my ears ever heard His Name // My heart knew the feel of His hand

Other hands had bruised me // His always came to heal // Bring out the harp and lift your voice // Now His are the only hands I feel

My heart thrills with joy // My eyes forever shine // Praise the Worthy One // {Jesus is here and He is mine}

Forever my heart will praise// The God Who heard my pleas // Forever my hands will be lifted // Forever I'll dance and sing

you

Listening to: You Keep Loving Me by Jenny & Tyler

Verse Love: Isaiah 44:22 "I have blotted out your transgressions like a cloud and your sins like a mist. Return to Me, for I have redeemed you."



A couple of days ago I had a fit. It's a true story. I just got so fed up with all the noise. Everyday I drive an hour to work blaring my radio to hype up for the day. Work all day in chaos. Drive an hour home blaring my music to chill after working all day. Talk, talk, talk. Catch up on texts. Dinner. Blaring music while doing the dishes and dancing around the kitchen. Shower. Lay in bed hoping for sleep...and listening to music.

There is nothing wrong with music, but I realized post-fit that I shove every empty crevice of my life with noise. I just don't give myself that quiet my soul needs so finally, the unrest I had been feeling began to make sense. And I realized that I so avoid the thing my soul is crying out for because it frightens me.

Be still and know that I am God.

God is teaching me what that means. Be still. Be silent. Listen. And don't fear the quiet. He's such a loving God...all these things I'm afraid to deal with, He deals with gently. And he heals. He's not condemning me for my mistakes. He's not judging me for holding onto fears. He just wants to help. Let's do it together. Be still. Let Him help. If it means marching over to your ihome and pulling the power cord from the wall, then SO BE IT. Get rid of your excuses not to be face-to-face with God.  There is such beauty and restoration and comfort in His presence. Like the clouds...



 For the past couple of weeks I have been FASCINATED with clouds. Jesus is coming on the clouds, after all. I like to think that on that day, I'll be cloud watching and BAM. I'll see His face. Yeeeeah! :)

Clouds are always changing and they're always the same. It's just one of those things. God led His people at one point with a cloud. He's likens an obedient Israel to a cloud-protective shade for the poor and needy in distress. The favor of our King is like spring rain from the clouds. They're just beautiful.

This is the the love child of stillness and clouds:

The silence is ringing in my ears

It's so loud I can't even hear

~You~

Running from what makes me whole

Forgetting that Love is mercy to my soul

~You~

Like a cloud, my sins are mist

I'm covered, but not in my own righteousness

~You~

Living with my head in the clouds

Cause Jesus, I have found

~You~

                                                            

                                                                               ~Kimberly

moses

Listening to: Flyleaf's version of How He Loves <3
Reading: Persuasion by the lovely Jane Austen

 

I am Moses.

Ok, so not really. But I kind of wish I had been able to be Moses. Cool dude. I'm sure we would have been pretty tight.

Anyway, a few months ago, my bestie and I taught a lesson about him for our LIFT girls. And in the middle of putting everything together and researching and praying, I realized that God was trying to teach me something. For those of you unfamiliar with Moses and his story, allow me to "kimmie-phrase" for you.

God chose Moses to lead the Israelites out of Egypt into to the land He promised their ancestors.  A land of "milk and honey." A land of prosperity.

*skiiiiiiiiiiiip a bunch of really awesome God-happenings and miracles and mercies*

When they reached The Promised Land God told them to take hold of, they turned away because they were scared...of...giants. Silly, eh? God had delivered them from the Egyptians. Did totally crazy-awesome stuff right in front of their eyes! For them! And they were afraid of the really tall men standing around the Jordan. And right on the other side was The Promised Land. The land that their great-great-great-great-great ancestors were given and that they were going to inherit.

What were they thinking?!?!

Because of their disobedience, God told them they were going to wander around in the desert for forty years. And He told Moses that because of his lack of faith, he would die before they were granted access to the Land of Milk and Honey. No Promised Land for Moses.

In Deuteronomy 34, God takes Moses to the top of Mount Nebo where he can see into the Promised Land and tells him, "This is the land I promised on oath to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob when I said, 'I will give it to your descendants.' I have let you see it with your eyes, but you will not cross over into it." Can you imagine? Waiting all those years, going through all those trials, through years of oppression looking forward to the day when you get to grab a hold of the good things God has promised you and you can't.

Because of fear.

Because of unbelief.

                Don’t get me wrong, Moses was still a cool dude. A little bit later in chapter 34 a sort of tribute was given to him… “Since then, no prophet has risen in Israel like Moses, whom the Lord knew face to face, who did all those miraculous signs and wonders the Lord sent him to do in Egypt-to Pharaoh and to all his officials and to his whole land. For no one has ever shown the mighty power or preformed deeds that Moses did in the sight of all Israel.”

                When I die, I want to be known as “Kimberly, the woman whom the Lord knew face to face.”

                                But back to what God had to tell me through all of this…I have sort of a “Promised Land.” He has promised me, to be general, a future. A future unaffected by the past. One day, we’ll sit down in big comfy chairs with a steaming cup of coffee and talk more in depth about what that means. But for now, just stay with me.

                A future. Ok. And I’ve always kind of assumed I would get it no matter what. WRONG! If I don’t really believe that God is going to give it to me…why would He? A huge part of our relationship with God is faith. If we trust our fears more than we trust God…where does that leave us? On top of Mount Nebo. Looking at all the beautiful gifts God wants to give us and not being able to enjoy them.

                And so this leaves me saying…I don’t know. I feel like I ought to know where this leaves me! I’d love to say that I am one fearless, face-to-face with God, faith-drunk woman. But I’m not. And I’m facing decisions...ish. I’m pretty sure I’ve told you my feelings on decision-making…but I HATE IT!

                Especially when I don’t know whether I’m letting fear get in the way of The Promised Land or if it’s no big deal. Agh! I just don’t know! I feel like I’m stuck between what I want and what God wants and what everyone else wants for me. I’ve tried the whole “Ok, I want what You want God.” And I still don’t know what that is!

                And while this certain fear is holding me back, I like to pretend that perhaps I just don’t want to make the wrong choice. But then I wonder if being afraid of being wrong is wrong! I apologize for the rambling. If you read this all the way through, I will seriously give you a hug. Won’t even think twice about it. And for really about the coffee date ok? If you’re feeling generous, just…talk to God for me too. Ask Him for a little clarification. I’d appreciate it.

                I understand this probably deepens any questions you had concerning my sanity, especially with the talking in circles jazz, but I really am not crazy. Ok, well maybe just a little bit. I’m a mess. That’s why this is called “Embracing the Mess.” So if you don’t want to embrace it with me...Go away! And don’t come back until you are ready to.

                I am going to leave you with my first of 28 million life verses. It makes me smile like an idiot because I always picture God bending down from the sky with His hand to His ear and feel Him right next to me when I read it:

“I love the Lord because He hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because He bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!” Psalm 116:1-2

                                                                                                             ~Kimberly